Why High Performers Burn Out
Even When They Love What They Do
I love what I do. I worked hard to build it. I care about it and for a long time I assumed that loving my work meant I was protected from the kind of stress that wears people down.
Turns out that’s not how it works.
There was a stretch where everything looked fine from the outside. I was productive, focused and getting things done. If you had asked me how I was doing, I would’ve said, “Good. Busy, but good.”
But my body had its own commentary running.
The Physical Stuff That Slips Under the Radar
The first thing I started noticing was my thumb.
I’d be in a meeting or a collaborative session fully engaged, contributing, asking good questions and somewhere in the middle of it my pointer finger would be picking at the skin along the side of my thumb like it had its own private agenda.
I felt fine. I wasn’t visibly stressed. I was sharp, present, and performing well.
And yet I was quietly shredding my own skin without realizing it.
Then there was the breathing.
I’d catch myself holding my breath while someone else was talking. Or I’d noticed I hadn’t taken a full breath all day. I’d been hovering in that shallow, upper-chest pattern that keeps you alert but slightly tight.
The fatigue took longer to admit. I prioritize sleep. I do the magnesium and make sure I get at least 7 1/2 hours of sleep a night. I’d still wake up feeling rested enough to function but not fully restored.
But This one really got my attention.
Before my eyes were even open, my brain would be assembling the day. Emails. Deadlines. Adjustments. Improvements. What needs to move? What needs tightening? What can be optimized?
I’d be lying there, barely conscious, and already negotiating with myself about output. At some point I actually started saying, out loud, “Hold on. Let me at least get up first.” It’s impressive, honestly. My nervous system has a better work ethic than I do.
That’s when it clicked that something was off.
The Moment It Clicked
The turning point for me wasn’t a breakdown. It was realizing I had to negotiate with my own brain before getting out of bed.
That’s when I saw it clearly, I was anticipating and optimizing. My system was stuck in two modes.
In Polyvagal Theory (developed by Stephen Porges), the idea that you can be in two modes at once refers to blended states or co-activation.
It’s when two branches of the autonomic nervous system are active at the same time. The most common blend people describe in high-functioning adults is: Sympathetic activation + Ventral vagal tone
So you’re:
Alert
Productive
Performing
Socially engaged
Getting shit done
But underneath? There’s activation. That “anticipate-and-optimize” I was feeling.
Mild sympathetic arousal (mobilization, scanning, preparing, bracing)
Layered with ventral vagal regulation (I could still talk, collaborate, lead)
It’s not full fight-or-flight and It’s not collapse either.
It’s more like sympathetic activation riding shotgun while your ventral system keeps the social mask intact.
Which is honestly why it can be hard to spot. Because You look competent. You sound clear. You’re contributing.
Meanwhile your body is preparing for impact. Just in case.
Once I noticed it, I started experimenting with letting my body come down a notch.
In the mornings, I’d do 10 rounds of Balance breathing which took about two minutes.
Inhale for 4
Exhale for 4
This helped me start the day with some space. I didn’t grab my phone to check emails until I was ready to start my workday.
During the day, I took tiny pauses: stepping away from my desk, getting some air, breathing deeper, little moments to recollect myself.
These small adjustments added up. They gave me space I didn’t realize I’d been missing.
If You’re Recognizing Yourself
If you’re tired in a way sleep doesn’t fully repair…
If your mind starts managing the day before your feet hit the floor…
If your body fidgets or picks or tightens while you insist you’re fine…
It’s worth paying attention.
You don’t have to dial down your ambition. You might just need to teach your system that every demand isn’t an emergency.
Tomorrow morning, when your mind kicks on before you’ve even opened your eyes, try this: inhale for 4 and exhale for 4. Buy yourself a few seconds before the internal meeting begins. Tell your brain it can wait until after coffee.
It seems simple but it works.
You can care deeply about your work and still let your body land. That’s a skill. And it’s learnable. If you want more ways to quietly train your nervous system and carve little pockets of calm into your day, the paid subscriber content goes deeper.